Woke up early this morning and watched on TV the ANZAC Day Dawn Service from Adelaide… Lest We Forget. Later, I watched the ANZAC Day March on TV as well. Then the Gallipoli Dawn Service.

This afternoon was another long time tradition of watching the Essendon VS Collingwood ANZAC Day footy. I never pick a side to go for because every time I pick a side, that team loses haha.

TMI alert… today I’m feeling backed up… need to clear out the back end, if you know what I mean? Mentioned it to the doctor doing rounds this morning and he ordered some Movicol. I hope that gets things moving and that the mass hasn’t grown even more to make things difficult. Passing wind helps but I need a good clear out. Okay, end of TMI alert.

I know my cancer is rapidly growing, especially in my liver and quickly going into other parts of my body. I know that I’m beyond having any operations with my other medical conditions, including chemo as Oncology don’t think I’m a good candidate for Chemo. So it’s the Palliative Team and pain relief management when I start feeling the pain.

I’m a private person and I don’t share everything with everyone but I’m thinking of doing a general post on Facebook regarding my big life changes and in that post, directing people to my blog posts if they want to read the updates.

Fun fact… Did you know that you can make a hair tie out of a rubber glove? One of the nurses made me a DIY hair tie with a rubber glove as I was having a shower this morning. She broke one of the fingers off the glove to try to make a hair tie but that didn’t hold all my hair, so she used the glove opening to make a hair tie. That did the job in holding a bun in place.

Another poem comes to my mind. I first saw this poem many years ago as a PowerPoint presentation sent to me by someone through an email and the poem stuck with me. Here it is:

“The Train of Life”

At birth, we board the train and meet our parents, and we believe they will always travel by our side.

As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life.

However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.

Others will step down over time and leave a permanent vacuum.

Some, however, will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats.

This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.

Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down.

So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are.

It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty, we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

I wish you all a joyful journey.

-Unknown

I want to thank you all reading this blog for being one of the passengers on my train!

Until next time

Kaye

Last night I couldn’t get into the right position in bed to fall asleep in a hurry as I was feeling a shortness of breath. Mentioned it to the doctor doing rounds this morning, who used a stethoscope to check out my breathing, he’ll keep an eye on it.

The doctor doing rounds today who saw me gave me the results of my thyroid biopsy. The results are the nodule on my left side did pick up something suspicious and possibly malignant there.

The doctor is also going to chase up the Oncology Team to come see me and discuss possible suitable treatment.

It feels good not to be stuck with several needles today for blood thinners or to have a cannula aka a Jelco in my arm as it was in my elbow joint and made it difficult to move my right arm with the cannula in that spot. Last night, it was hurting too much, so the nurse on night shift looking after me, she removed it. No Jelco today as the doctor’s are seeing how my body responds to peeing out the excess fluid in my body and how my body deals with the infection in my leg as my gut health has been compromised from all the antibiotics that have been given.

Had visitors today, some stuff I needed and a good chat too. One of the Spiritual Team from the hospital came to visit as well, another good chat. Then a couple from church came to visit after spending the day in the city.

The person from the Spiritual Team, I told them about the notebook I am writing for my wishes regarding my funeral, belongings, notes for the executor’s of my will, which is in the process of getting done, it is a work in progress… anyway, this person liked this idea and thought that she may like to mention it to other people she sees as a part of her job, as sees it as giving a person some kind of control in a situation where there is no control over it.

Last night I started to write my Eulogy but quickly realised that I need someone to help me write it, a person who knows my story and can keep me on track with what I want to say, otherwise, everyone is going to get a long winded, rambling version that will go on for several hours if I’m unleashed in writing it lol. I want what’s written, not to be a tale of woe about my life but a celebration of life and to be an inspiration to others.

One thing I am finding out is I can’t eat big meals as I get full quickly and there are certain foods that bring on reflux and the feeling of vomiting too, so I need to eat smaller meals. There are certain foods I need to steer clear of now as well, foods I would love previously. It’s all a learning curve. I could win a gold medal in a burping competition for Australia as well haha.

Time to enjoy my Milo and my yummy slice of lemon cake and settle down for the night.

Until next time

Kaye

Last night my blood thinner injections were stopped by the doctor’s and I’m back on the blood thinner tablet Apixaban again.

Last night was also the good night of sleep. I still had water in the tank of my Bipap machine when I woke up at 7:29am this morning. Nothing like the tank running dry around 5am as it had done the last couple of nights and you start to smell a weird smell through the mask, making you remove the mask, ending your sleep.

Today I had family here talking business, the things that need to be talked about. Dad, he always called my cousin’s who were here, “The Happy Gang”.

My Separation Package has been officially accepted so I’m no longer working for the government or for anyone now. 1 May 2026 is my termination date of employment officially.

The Oncology Team who were supposed to come back today to speak with me didn’t appear, unless they came by while I had visitors and didn’t want to disturb me, I don’t know.

The hospital floor got a little crazy today with a false fire evacuation alarm as a guy activated the smoke alarm in his bathroom this morning, a couple of nurses and a fire warden checked out my room to figure out how the fire alarm was activated. A nurse also came in to my room during the alarm sounding to let me know it was a false alarm. Then this afternoon, there were 3 discharges this morning from the ward and new people admitted into the 3 rooms this afternoon.

Settling down with my cup of Milo now for the night.

Until next time

Kaye

Thankfully, I had a better night sleep last night. Maybe I was too warm with both the sheet and a blanket over me. Last night, I just slept with the sheet over me. Who knows?

Breakfast delivered and I was wondering where my morning medications were. I had an agency nurse looking after me overnight, or some kind of nurse as she wasn’t wearing the navy blue scrubs the RAH nurses wear and was wearing a completely different uniform altogether. A morning shift nurse from the ward came in after breakfast with my meds and my blood thinner injections.

This morning has been an extremely burpy and feeling spewy kind of day with no matter what I eat. Even the Gaviscon didn’t take effect on it. It was a morning of feeling slightly rough.

Of course it passed when my Doctor, Dr Litwin and his students came by but I did tell him about it though. My dr mentioned that they haven’t forgotten about finding somewhere for me to go once I leave the hospital, they are still working on it. He also mentioned speaking with the Oncology Team again about Immuno treatments and chemo again. It’s still not a cure for my cancer but treatment only.

This afternoon I was feeling better thank goodness.

I know I’m on the discharge list as I’ve heard the nurses talking but the hospital still has a duty of care to place me somewhere suitable because of my ongoing health issues, not just my cancer.

The Frusomide injections is definitely working today in making me pee and removing some of the excess fluid on my right leg.

The antibiotics for the infection in my leg has been stopped too by my doctor today.

I’m also glad that the hospital is serious about the prevention of DVT’s blood clots in the legs as well because they know that cancer loves clotting blood, so one of the reasons for being on a high dose of blood thinners, injected into my stomach, twice a day.

Time to wind down and put my phone on charge now.

Until next time

Kaye

Sunday is a quiet day here in hospital.

This morning it rained and the first thing I knew about it was the droplets of water from the window.

The cannula in my right wrist, as that was the only place the nurse on Friday could find a good vein, that gave up the ghost this morning and had to be removed and a new one is in the crook of my right elbow. Neither are ideal places to insert a cannula as they were inserted in a joint but you got to go where there is good vein access. I absolutely refuse to have needles and cannula’s inserted into the back of my hands and I don’t care how good my veins are there as they are my no go areas. Being in my 50’s, I’ve gotten “old lady hands” and the skin is thinning there. The last time a doctor inserted a cannula in the back of my hand, while I was in hospital last year at Flinders Hospital, it hurt like you wouldn’t believe and it didn’t last, the vein blew, so no thank you, we are not going through that again.

Antibiotics, Frusomide, is still needed, so it’s all the good things through the cannula, rather than tablets.

Watched the church service from Waypoint Uniting Parafield Gardens this morning online. It was a great service. I wish the pastor Barry, and his wife Kelly, a well deserved break as Barry goes on long overdue long service leave until July. He was meant to go on long service leave back in 2020 but then Covid appeared and no one was going anywhere except from one room to another in our homes.

Had a rubbish night sleep last night after falling asleep around 10pm and waking up at 1 something and not being able to fall asleep again, so an afternoon nap was what I needed and I had a good afternoon nap.

I hope for a better night of sleep tonight. 

Until next time

Kaye

While talking with one of my Doctor’s from my medical team, when you hear the words, “palliative treatment”, you know that there are no options for any operations to prolong life as your body with all its pre-existing serious medical conditions wouldn’t tolerate it. Then when you get informed that you only have months to live, that is something else but you know what? I’m at peace with all that. I could be all woe is me, why me? and all the rest of it but it doesn’t change the final result. So I make the choice of just taking each new day I have and enjoy the life I have left, the best I can.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, too many thoughts going through my head as my brain was catching up and recapping everything that has been overloading it these last two weeks. Then I thought about who I can leave things to? I thought about life, God, things I may still want to cross off my bucket list. I even thought about funerals and what I would like to have… nothing over the top, just something simple with maybe a cremation and my ashes spread somewhere I love. So many thoughts were rattling around in my mind.

This morning, I had 2 former workmates visiting me. That was a good catch up, even if it was interrupted by the physio wanting me to do my little walk and a few leg exercises.

This afternoon was supposed to be a biopsy on my thyroid as the recent ultrasound had shown a nodule in my left side which needed further investigation to determine if it is something new, connected with the existing cancer, or nothing to worry about at all. For this to happen, they need someone from pathology there to see the biopsy happen in real time to ensure that there has been enough of a sample taken, by jabbing a thin needle in the neck and taking the sample with the needle but there was a miscommunication between departments and I was bumped until tomorrow as they had overbooked 3 different patients for a 2pm biopsy. I said that I don’t like needles, I’m currently a black and blue pin cushion right now being on a high dose of blood thinning injections as I’ve had blood clots in the past and am on blood thinners for the rest of my life as it is. So they decided to only do the biopsy once as I’m needlephobic. So tomorrow, it is.

Just had one of my wonderful doctor’s from the hospital visit me on her way home as she has been trying for over a week to get a hospital psychologist to come and see me and have a talk with me as she knows I’ve had a pretty tough 3 years with my medical conditions alone and they keep bumping me. It seems, and I do understand this, I really do, it’s the fact that I’m not thinking about doing myself in, they won’t prioritise. She assured me that a psychologist will see me at the end of the week as she is advocating for me and everything I’m going through doesn’t make it any less to deal with.

This afternoon, I had a visit from a couple of former neighbours who are full of faith for God and at the end of their visit, they prayed for me. Blessings to them both.

Time to get the things done, like organise a will. I asked 3 of my cousin’s if they would be executor’s of my will and told them to think it over as it is a huge responsibility. It also gives me time to think who gets what, what gets donated to charity and those kind of things that need to be thought about.

Time for me to organise my thoughts.

Until next time

Kaye