Tag Archives: life lessons

Friday 24 April 2026…

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Had a rough night trying to get to sleep last night and stay asleep as something I have eaten gave me a pain in my abdomen. All I know is that passing wind helped alleviate it. Mentioned to the doctor doing rounds this morning and he said that if it comes back, mention it to the nurses and a doctor will investigate.

This morning the junior doctors doing the rounds told me that the Oncology Team were planning to see me this afternoon. I can guess what they will say, let’s see if I’m right with my guess.

This afternoon the Oncology Team came to see me. The markers have indicated that the cancer is rapidly moving in my body and a good part of my liver has cancer. Cancer legions have also been found in my brain, right breast, other parts of my body. The Oncology Team don’t think that I am a good candidate for Chemo, as that not only attacks the bad cancer cells but the good cells as well and with my other medical issues, my mobility issues, my body, they feel won’t cope with the Chemo as that makes people sick and to vomit because of the treatment. They will discuss further options and put me in touch with the Palliative Team. One thing we agreed on is quality of life with however much life I have left. It’s not the news I wanted to hear but I expected that was going to be the news I would hear though.

I didn’t need the Oncology Team to tell me that this is fast growing cancer, as I was in Flinders Hospital early last year and they did a ton of blood tests, several ultrasounds and a CT scan to find several serious health conditions I have but there was no sign of cancer then.

Do I want to know, even as a guesstimate of how long I have to live because it’s just a guess anyway, or do I just want to live life with each day I have and not know?

Today I was thinking about a poem called The Dash by Linda Ellis. Here is the poem:

The Dash Poem (By Linda Ellis)

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning…to the end

He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
Know what that little line is worth

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering this special dash
Might only last a little while

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash…
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent YOUR dash?

Make that dash count for something as none of us are guaranteed of how much life we have here on this Earth.

Until next time

Kaye

Saturday 18 April 2026…

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I’m back on the Frusomide injections to help pee out the fluid that’s still in my legs.

The intravenous antibiotics are for the legs only as the other infections that were possibly starting, now have been settled from all the intravenous antibiotics I received yesterday as they got onto it so quickly.

Feeling very gassy today from all the reflux, not a pleasurable experience. Good thing a doctor has charted for me Gaviscon to have as needed.

Visitors today were a life long friend… a sister from another sister, a friend from church, two of my cousin’s and an Aunty. Thank you for the visit everyone!

I’ve started writing in a notebook all the things the executors of my will, the things they will need to know when the time comes. I want to make their life as easy as possible in seeing to my wishes and not play a guessing game.

Being a Saturday, hospital life is quieter, you know it’s the weekend.

Today I have been injected with Frusomide to pee out excess fluid and when that hits, it hits. Antibiotics for the leg infection, blood thinners in the morning and evening, I joke that one day I will go to drink something and leak through all the injection holes haha.

Getting ready to watch the Adelaide Crows play tonight on TV.

One of the treats I am enjoying though is my cup of Milo at supper time. So good.

Until next time

Kaye

My day today…

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What a morning! It’s one of those days… TMI warning… I was burping like a trooper after breakfast, hey, I burp a lot after eating food in general since I was in the Flinders Hospital last year but one of the doctor’s ordered Gaviscon… yay! That settled the reflux after lunch.

This morning, I was switched back to intravenous Frusomide, to get rid of the fluid in my legs. I was switched several days ago to the tablets but that wasn’t shifting the fluid and I was gaining weight with the fluid in my legs again. The intravenous Fluid meds because they work so well in peeing out all the excess fluid, I have nicknamed it “The Floozy Doozy meds”.

Then this morning, I was taken down to the fifth floor for a third time for the thyroid biopsy… success this time. Pathology were available to test the samples in real time as the doctor took the biopsy sample needed from my neck. At least they numbed the area before sticking the needle in.

They also did an ultrasound on my left leg as the doctor who saw me this morning, she noticed that my left leg was a little warm under touch, so she wanted to see if it was an infection starting, or a blood clot forming as cancer loves clotting blood, even though I’m on a high dose of blood thinning injections twice a day.

I also had a CT scan with the contrast dye as the doctor when she took blood tests this morning as she had to use the ultrasound to guide a new cannula into my arm, and she took blood tests at the same time. The blood tests came back with my lactose levels high, so she wanted to find out if that was a new infection forming or what was causing that. So I’m back on high dose of intravenous antibiotics as well.

As the doctor joked, she’s just making sure I don’t die sooner than when it will happen. I appreciate her dark sense of humour haha.

I had a visit from one of the hospital’s Spiritual Team this afternoon, that was a good chat.

A student doctor came and took another blood test this afternoon while I was hooked up to antibiotics IV for two hours.

A manager of where I used to work came in and helped me with some stuff that was superannuation related. Or tried to help me, unfortunately the website wasn’t that helpful but she will come back next week.

I’m surprising and amazing people everywhere about my positive attitude, good humour and acceptance of what is happening. What is the alternative though? Being in denial and going through all of it regardless? Having a woe is me attitude that doesn’t help in the long run? Of course I have had my pity parties but I can’t change what it happening, I just need to trust the journey and the advice given, making my own informed decisions and hope I make the good and the right choices for me.

No one really knows how long they have to live on this earth, so have the attitude of every day on the right side of the dirt, is a good day.

Until next time

Kaye

Strange times…

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There have been several rainy days while I have been in hospital. Thursday there was a thunderstorm. It seems the sky is feeling me.

With each new test, each new scan, more cancer is found inside my body.

Thursday afternoon, there was an orderly at my hospital room door saying they were going to take me for an ultrasound. What?! That was the first I heard about this. Turns out it was for an ultrasound of my thyroid. They found a nodule the size .5 x .5 on the right side of the thyroid. A biopsy next week will determine whether that is something to be worried about or not and whether it is connected to everything else.

I still need to ask the big questions, you know what stage the cancer is? All I know is that it is advanced. Cancer is throughout my body. I need to ask about life expectancy. I need to ask a lot of questions.

What I have, there is no cure, only treatment as the cancer has metastasised to the liver, the brain and spread to other parts of the body.

Friday, all the doctor’s, specialists, oncologists have one big meeting, their MDT meeting to discuss patients in their care, treatment, cases and all concerns about the patient care.

The colonoscopy/rectal team were planning on doing a procedure for inserting a stent up my bowel as the mass that is there is going to eventually block off the back passage completely but they considered that to be too much of a risk. They discussed surgery to remove the mass, again, too risky. So they had an oncologist speak with me about chemo.

I also have diverticulitis in the bowel and that limits options as well, not to mention other serious illnesses like the start of heart failure, respiratory problems, high blood pressure, the list goes on.

Tomorrow, I see the colon/rectal team and it’s time for me to see what the future holds and to ask the big questions I need to ask.

Until next time

Kaye

Generation X, the Awesome Generation…

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Hands up if you were born between the years of 1965 – 1980… you are well and truly my people, the Generation X people. My generation.

As a Gen X myself, born in 1971, I love being a Gen X. I love how we know a lot of things to do with the generations that precedes us, The Greatest Generation – those born between 1901 – 1927, The Silent Generation – those born between 1928 – 1945 and The Baby Boomers – those born between 1965 – 1980 as they are our great grandparents, grandparents, great aunts, great uncles, parents, uncles, aunties but we also know a lot of stuff from the generations that succeeded us as well. We know about things to do with The Millennials or Generation Y – those born between 1981 – 1996, Generation Z – those born between 1997 – 2012 and the latest generation, Generation Alpha – those born between 2013 – 2025, as these are our children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, great nieces, great nephews, our friends children.

We just have a lot of cross generational knowledge with being a Gen X.

Generation X was the last generation who played in the streets, we were the last generation to record songs from the radio onto a cassette tape, we were the first generation to play video games, we were the first generation to use personal computers, we could walk over a kilometre without complaining about not being driven to our destination, we were the last generation to go to our friends homes to see them, remember having to be home as soon as the streetlights came on? We learned how to work the VCR before anyone else, we lived without mobile (cell) phones, we were the first generation who had Sony Walkman’s, we were before the internet, we were the last generation to drive in cars without seatbelts, we were the first generation to use chatrooms, we only had 4 TV stations to choose from and TV stations closed at midnight, we didn’t have social media, the music was also the best.

Generation X is absolutely the best generation in my books.

Until next time

Kaye

Happy New Year 2024…

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Goodbye 2023 and hello 2024… what a year 2023 was? 2023 was a tough year for many, including me with many of us facing the storms of life during the year that was but just like any storm, the storm stops raging eventually and the sun comes out again.

Personally, the year was indeed a rough year for me. Life happened in a big way. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about so called friends who ended up being fake friends and not being in my corner at all.

I learned who was in my circle and my circle got smaller as I removed people from my life who weren’t serving my greater good and were draining my energy or creating drama in my life through their own actions and drawing me into their drama.

I also distanced myself from certain people in my life and haven’t removed them completely.

This is what setting healthy boundaries is about. Life isn’t a popularity contest, you’re not going to get along with everyone in life. It’s healthy to have boundaries and either remove people out of your life who aren’t in your circle because not everyone is. There’s many people who will call you friend but will talk about you behind your back, or not show you support when you are going through a storm in life, there’s so called friends who are toxic, fake friends, friends will continuously disrespect you or badmouth you… these people are not your friends.

These are the people to release from your life, even on social media. Set healthy boundaries and have people who accept you for who you are and will show up when you need that support when life hits.

Surround yourself with people who get you and what you are about and don’t try to change you but they bring out the best in you.

It’s even okay to remove family members from your life as well. We need to be able to preserve our inner peace and just because someone is family, they can cause more issues for our inner peace than friends.

I’m okay about losing people in life, both in real life and on social media. I want people who bring out the best in me, people who understand me, people who will be there in both the calm days when the boat is in calm water and during the storms. The storms of life, this too shall pass but it’s worth knowing who is next to you in that boat; someone who will help you bail out the water if the boat starts leaking or someone who will go overboard and swim to shore, leaving you to bail out the water alone in that boat.

Yeah, I’m okay with my circle shrinking. I’m more about me and no longer about keeping certain people around in my circle because they simply have the label of family or friend. 2023 was a year of letting go.

2024 is going to be the year of keeping my circle small and making sure everyone who is in my circle is worth having there.

Until next time…

Kaye

True friendships…

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Let me ask a question, what makes a friend and what makes a friendship? To me, to have a friend, first you need to be a friend. It’s a clichéd saying but it is a true saying.

I have a select small group of friends, real friend who I know have my back and are there through all times, the good and the rough times. I also have a lot of friends who are really just acquaintances. Then there are the fickle, fair weather friends who are only there when the going is good but are no where to be seen in the tough times.

As I get older, it’s more about quality over quantity with the friends I have as life isn’t a popularity contest and I just want to surround myself with people who are genuine in there friendship and are always around.

I had friends who would try and buy friendship with giving things to me but they always wanted something in return, it was never anything given because they were true friends who gave something out of the generosity of their heart but only given with an ulterior motive. Then there’s the so called friends who kept score on what they gave me as they felt it proved their friendship but felt as though I wasn’t being a true friend all because they expected something in return and try to guilt me into giving them something by telling me all the times they gave me something .

I give the people I consider friends things all the time but I never expect anything in return. I do it because I want to. I don’t make anyone feel obligated to reciprocate the gift giving, even if it’s just a cup of coffee, I never expect anything in return.

Then there are those who will tell you the things they think you want to hear, or pretend to be something they are not in trying to earn a friendship.

For me, I want friends who will be open and honest with me. I want friends who don’t gossip behind my back because if you have friends who talk with you about their friend behind their back, guess what? those people you call a friend, they are saying things about you to other people.

As I get older, I am in a place where I don’t want to deal with so called friends who are disingenuous, fake, full of drama, selfish, self absorbed, toxic or narcissistic people. I have let go of a lot of friends who fit into those categories as I want to be around kind, caring, nurturing people who are always there, who are real, trustworthy, provide a listening ear or a shoulder I can cry on and those make me laugh.

I want people around me that I don’t have to explain myself to, people who don’t judge, friends I can trust wholeheartedly and be trusted, so because of this, I don’t have a big circle of friends and that suits me fine.

Be true to yourself and surround yourself with the people who will serve your greater good and raise your vibration and not drain your energy by making you feel some kind of way just because you feel it necessary to have certain people as friends. Some people are not for you and are not the right fit for you and it is okay to release them as those people definitely not for you as they will only keep bringing you down to their level.

Until next time

Kaye

Making the most out of it…

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Recently I had to do a sleep study… I had no actual symptoms but the doctor I see thought it would be a good idea after I marked high as a candidate for sleep apnoea on a check list… the questions asked could have covered basically anyone as having sleep apnoea as most people would fit into the categories asked but hey, the questionnaire said I had symptoms of sleep apnoea, so I had to undergo a sleep study.

I saw the sleep specialist a couple of weeks after being referred by the GP and they arranged for me to take an at home sleep study. I booked a date and time to pick up a sleep study kit for the at home sleep study.

The day of the sleep study, I went to the medical centre and picked up the kit and took it home.

That night, I followed the instructions on how to place all the wires and electrodes on my body before going to bed. I looked and felt like a lab rat once all the wires, electrodes and electronic devices were attached and ready to collect the data from my night of sleep.

I am no stranger in doing a sleep study as I’ve done one previously a few years ago, a hospital sleep study, which involved a night sleeping on the narrowest and hardest hospital bed I think that they could find for me to sleep on. There were more wires and electrodes attached that time and the wires were connected to a bigger box I had to wear but the memory is still in my mind like it was yesterday.

The following morning before 9am, I had to return the sleep study kit back to the sleep specialist centre, then wait for the results which were given several days later by the sleep specialist.

At the appointment with the sleep specialist, I was diagnosed with having severe sleep apnoea and I would need to have a CPAP machine. Oh joy… not.

I then had to book another appointment with another person who would help me choose a suitable face mask and CPAP machine for me to use.

I went home with a CPAP machine, an Airsense 10 Autoset and a full face mask. The first night using the face mask, a Resmed Airfit F20, I couldn’t stand it… I couldn’t stand the air blowing straight on my face, the feel of the full face mask on my face. That night was a interrupted night of sleep. In fact, I hated the mask so much, I took it off, turned off the machine in the very early hours of the morning and left it off to sleep.

That first night while struggling to get used to the machine and battling with the full face mask, which was a losing battle, I thought of giving my machine a name as something fun. Since this machine was going to be my new sleeping companion I have to sleep with, I had better get used to it. I also decided that the machine was a He as well as it looks like a male. After much thought, not really, I came up with the name “Colin” for my CPAP machine… call me weird for naming a machine if you must… but Colin is named after the inventor of the CPAP machine, an Australian by the name of Colin Sullivan in 1980, a fitting name I thought. Here’s the funny thing, now I can talk about Colin, my machine and have people think he’s my partner haha.

After having a word with the company I obtained the CPAP machine from, they provided me with 3 other masks to try in the hopes that one of them is more suitable for me.

The face mask I have been using is a nasal pillow which just sits under the nose, which is perfect for me as it’s not a full face mask, I don’t have air blowing on my face and I’m not feeling as though I’m suffocating. I’m also a person who sleeps with their mouth closed, so I don’t need to use a full face mask to cover both my nose and mouth.

It’s early days with using the CPAP machine but I hope the set up I have now with the face mask I am using, I hope I feel the benefits of it soon and get a better night of sleep than I was having after receiving the results from the sleep study.

Until next time

Kaye

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When the universe and life throw stuff at you, you had better be prepared for it, good, bad or indifferent.

Life has throw at me some heavy stuff this year, so much for starting 2023 of on a positive note and starting off the year in a good way.

It seems my 2023 is a continuation of my 2022… one steaming hot pile of manure…

2022 started the year of upheaval in all aspects of my life… work, home, health and the stuff that has happened, without going into detail, it’s been huge and I feel broken deep within.

I’m not writing this for a pity party because I’m not. 2022 was a huge year of upheaval for me, which is continuing into 2023. Despite everything that is going on, I’ve strapped myself into the roller-coaster of life and I’m in for the ride… all the twists, the turns, the sharp corners, going upside down, I’m there for it all.

One thing I’m looking forward to though is after all the tough stuff has been dealt with and I’m on the other side of it all, I look forward to being the butterfly I am going to become.

Through the storms of life, as the storm rages, you’ll go through hard stuff, tough stuff but eventually the storm will pass and you will find yourself in calm waters again. It’s not going to happen overnight but it will happen. Have faith and belief that the storm will pass and you will get through to the other side.

The other thing is that the storms of life are often experiences of personal growth and realising how strong and resilient you really are.

Right now in this storm I’m going through in my life, I picture myself as a caterpillar, then in a cocoon but I know that the beautiful butterfly that I’m about to become, that is worth all the tough stuff life and the universe is handing me right now.

Watch out world… that beautiful butterfly is coming… it’s not going to happen overnight but she’s preparing herself and proving how strong and resilient she is in the process.

Until next time

Kaye

New things in life…

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A couple of weeks ago I went to see an optometrist as a suggestion from my doctor who wanted to see if my eyes were being affected by the start of an early medical diagnosis.

I went to the optometrist and was taken into an examination room where she  checked both my eyesight and if my eyes were affected by this medical condition.

The eye test was first, with reading lines and letters on a mirror, first the right eye and then the left, then given a card to read, I was able to easily read the small print with both the right eye and then the left eye, I was told I needed glasses for distance sight and my reading sight was still good.

Then the optometrist put drops in my eyes for her to be able to see the back of my eyes… those drops as they went in, stung a little bit as they did make my sight go blurry as she said it would. I was then informed that the drops will take 10 – 15 minutes to take effect.

So with 15 minutes to wait, I went and was going to get a quote for the glasses. There were a range of glasses frames being sold for half price, so I was directed to them. After trying on several pairs, I found the frame I wanted, with flexible arms and not chunky, or frames that stick out like a dog’s hind leg. Once the frames were chosen, I sat down in the front of the store and the quote was worked out… lenses – magnification with transition tinting and digital glare free. After being told the price and knowing that I’m going to need these glasses, I decided to just get them. Lucky for me as well, I do have optical as an option with my private fund, so they paid for the bulk of the cost of these glasses, I just had to pay for the gap.

Now that the frames were chosen and what I wanted was included as well, the order was put in to be processed.

By this time, the optometrist was ready for me again. I went back into the examination room and sat back down in the chair. A machine was manoeuvred towards me that the optometrist used to look into my eyes, the lights of the room were turned down and the optometrist used this machine and a bright light shining into the parts of the eye she was looking at, she did her thing. First the right eye and then the left.

One thing she did notice, apart from my eyes not being affected by the medical condition but I do have a freckle at the back of my eye, which is something they will keep an eye on yearly.

Today, I picked up my new glasses, or as I refer to them, my new friends.

Am I bothered by the fact that I now have to wear glasses? No because if they help me to see in the distance as they are designed to do, that’s going to be something in my favour, although it is quite humorous seeing people in a particular age group in denial they do need glasses for reading lol.

So for anyone who does wear glasses, I’ve joined you all now… and I can see clearly now, so that is definitely a good thing.

Until next time

Kaye