Had a rough night trying to get to sleep last night and stay asleep as something I have eaten gave me a pain in my abdomen. All I know is that passing wind helped alleviate it. Mentioned to the doctor doing rounds this morning and he said that if it comes back, mention it to the nurses and a doctor will investigate.

This morning the junior doctors doing the rounds told me that the Oncology Team were planning to see me this afternoon. I can guess what they will say, let’s see if I’m right with my guess.

This afternoon the Oncology Team came to see me. The markers have indicated that the cancer is rapidly moving in my body and a good part of my liver has cancer. Cancer legions have also been found in my brain, right breast, other parts of my body. The Oncology Team don’t think that I am a good candidate for Chemo, as that not only attacks the bad cancer cells but the good cells as well and with my other medical issues, my mobility issues, my body, they feel won’t cope with the Chemo as that makes people sick and to vomit because of the treatment. They will discuss further options and put me in touch with the Palliative Team. One thing we agreed on is quality of life with however much life I have left. It’s not the news I wanted to hear but I expected that was going to be the news I would hear though.

I didn’t need the Oncology Team to tell me that this is fast growing cancer, as I was in Flinders Hospital early last year and they did a ton of blood tests, several ultrasounds and a CT scan to find several serious health conditions I have but there was no sign of cancer then.

Do I want to know, even as a guesstimate of how long I have to live because it’s just a guess anyway, or do I just want to live life with each day I have and not know?

Today I was thinking about a poem called The Dash by Linda Ellis. Here is the poem:

The Dash Poem (By Linda Ellis)

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning…to the end

He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
Know what that little line is worth

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering this special dash
Might only last a little while

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash…
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent YOUR dash?

Make that dash count for something as none of us are guaranteed of how much life we have here on this Earth.

Until next time

Kaye