While talking with one of my Doctor’s from my medical team, when you hear the words, “palliative treatment”, you know that there are no options for any operations to prolong life as your body with all its pre-existing serious medical conditions wouldn’t tolerate it. Then when you get informed that you only have months to live, that is something else but you know what? I’m at peace with all that. I could be all woe is me, why me? and all the rest of it but it doesn’t change the final result. So I make the choice of just taking each new day I have and enjoy the life I have left, the best I can.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, too many thoughts going through my head as my brain was catching up and recapping everything that has been overloading it these last two weeks. Then I thought about who I can leave things to? I thought about life, God, things I may still want to cross off my bucket list. I even thought about funerals and what I would like to have… nothing over the top, just something simple with maybe a cremation and my ashes spread somewhere I love. So many thoughts were rattling around in my mind.

This morning, I had 2 former workmates visiting me. That was a good catch up, even if it was interrupted by the physio wanting me to do my little walk and a few leg exercises.

This afternoon was supposed to be a biopsy on my thyroid as the recent ultrasound had shown a nodule in my left side which needed further investigation to determine if it is something new, connected with the existing cancer, or nothing to worry about at all. For this to happen, they need someone from pathology there to see the biopsy happen in real time to ensure that there has been enough of a sample taken, by jabbing a thin needle in the neck and taking the sample with the needle but there was a miscommunication between departments and I was bumped until tomorrow as they had overbooked 3 different patients for a 2pm biopsy. I said that I don’t like needles, I’m currently a black and blue pin cushion right now being on a high dose of blood thinning injections as I’ve had blood clots in the past and am on blood thinners for the rest of my life as it is. So they decided to only do the biopsy once as I’m needlephobic. So tomorrow, it is.

Just had one of my wonderful doctor’s from the hospital visit me on her way home as she has been trying for over a week to get a hospital psychologist to come and see me and have a talk with me as she knows I’ve had a pretty tough 3 years with my medical conditions alone and they keep bumping me. It seems, and I do understand this, I really do, it’s the fact that I’m not thinking about doing myself in, they won’t prioritise. She assured me that a psychologist will see me at the end of the week as she is advocating for me and everything I’m going through doesn’t make it any less to deal with.

This afternoon, I had a visit from a couple of former neighbours who are full of faith for God and at the end of their visit, they prayed for me. Blessings to them both.

Time to get the things done, like organise a will. I asked 3 of my cousin’s if they would be executor’s of my will and told them to think it over as it is a huge responsibility. It also gives me time to think who gets what, what gets donated to charity and those kind of things that need to be thought about.

Time for me to organise my thoughts.

Until next time

Kaye